"Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge" - Psalm 16:1
We have not written in a long time. Months have gone by and a lot has happened. We want to move on and look towards God in hope. We don't want to retrace the hard steps we have had to go through. Life is hard. We realized that we should be on our knees daily asking for guidance from God and not trying to control our lives, or let the words of others control our lives.
This summer we decided to proceed with testing to see if there would be any possibilities for surgery for me to benefit our future. After days of testing and a month of waiting we were told by a woman we have only seen 3 other times that there is nothing they can do now, or maybe ever. She proceeded to give her opinion on how she foresaw my life and my future, and it was horrible. She had just gone to an ethics seminar and felt that as a doctor she should give all information, even if not great or factual. I don't need to go into details becuase it does not matter.
Her words haunt me. Not becuase they are true or factual, but because they are all I have heard recently. They have stripped me of my trust in God. They cause me unneeded stress and nightmares. I know she meant well, but she was only going off what she has seen in her 3-4 years of practice. I have to go back to God. Her words have no value or truth for me becuase God writes my story and not her. There was no factual information that she gave me that would even cause me to need to worry. Why do we let others control us with their words?
I have thought many times about writing her a letter, but I don't need revenge, and I don't need to prove anything. I really just want her to know that her words were harmful.
We want to move on. We want the life back that we had before any of this ever happened. We want to trust God again and be seeking Him daily. November is a bit of a tough month since our baby was meant to be born on November 17th. We want to move on in the hope of having a child some day. We wish we had the money for surrogacy. We wish we were in a stable place to start the adoption process. But we are not there yet and we need to enjoy this next year that is full of a few moves and a lot of adventure.
Writing is very healing for me. I have been doing it my whole life. I am hoping that through writing I will find true healing. I love the verse of the day above. It is so simple, but yet I forget to do it all the time.
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